One of the deadliest toxins to marriage is nagging.
Whether it’s that honey-to-do-list, or that topic you can’t seem to agree on, nagging drives the steak into the heart of your spouse, every time.
My Own Marriage
I asked my own husband, how he views nagging. He said nagging is being “badgered,” “scolded like a child,” “it makes me want to checkout and not try anymore.”
I will be the first to admit my fault. My intention has never been to drive a wedge between my husband and I. Yet, I have succeeded in a way I never meant to, in the first place.
Nagging doesn’t produce the outcome you hope for. The reason being it may seem to get done, but in the long term, you have constantly and continually chipped away at the patience of your spouse, depleting your marriage intimacy.
What the Bible Says…
According to Scripture, an argumentative wife damages your home (Prov. 19:13; 27:15), ignites a fatal fire of strife (Prov. 26:21NIV), and it would be better for a man to live in the desert, without her, than it would be to live in a plentiful home, with her.
Yet, wives are not the only ones required to abstain from an argumentative, nagging attitude.
Anyone who intends to serve the Lord, can’t be argumentative, but instead has to “be kind to everyone, able to teach, not (be) resentful.”2 Timothy 2: NIV
This applies to every Christian. We are not to cause fights or disagreements, but we are to seek unity, a free-conscience, and teach other to follow Christ’s example.
Servants of God cannot be successful for the kingdom of God without following His commandments and His design for relationships, and for marriage.
Couples cannot hurt their spouse verbally and not expect a disastrous consequence in return.
Loss of your marital integrity, loss of trust, loss of support and encouragement, marital abandonment, divorce, the list is endless.
What to Look For…
Yet, hope is not lost. As wives, instead of focusing on and forcing our agendas on our husbands, we can pray, be patient, and trust them to have our best interests at heart.
Ask once, and wait. Demanding is different from asking with a pure, and sincere heart.
Here’s a test: If I ask this of my husband, will this encourage him or leave him checked out, badgered, or belittled? Will he be pleased to be useful, or frustrated to be downgraded yet again?
Men nag, but women are the most guilty of doing so.
I often wonder how deeply God’s curse over Eve is related to our wish to supersede our husbands, to take over, but want him at the same time.Reference to Genesis 3:16 NIV
This is where the root of submission was planted, because Eve thought her desires superseded God and her husband. She reaped what she planted.
What are you planting in your marriage?
Perhaps your home is full of love, trust, mercy, and forgiveness or perhaps your home is full of arguments, degradation, toxic avoidance, and fatal resentment and bitterness.
Perhaps your home, like most of us, is a combination of both.
The Love of Marriage
My charge to you is this: “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. (1Peter 4:8 NIV).”
You are married because at one time, you were deeply in love with your spouse, enough to commit yourself to them for life.
What happened to that love? Your love is still there, but has been covered up by past hurts, arguments, bitterness, lack of forgiveness and pride.
Your love for God and for one another can cover those wounds, and recover true love in your marriage today.
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